Love's Identity
by MelodicFlan
Summary: Those who were fated to be together were suddenly thrown apart. Struggling in the hands of time, Shizuru has fallen...broken into her final stages of madness. Who will be there to save this angel with blackened, clipped wings? ShizNat
1. Life in Death’s Hands

Love's Identity

**Disclaimer:** Not much is mine except for the plot. Mai-HiME is not mine. Many things are not mine! I must start planning.

**A/N: ** Hmm, I'm back? I'll continue my rant later. I'm a bit rusty, so you've been warned. I'm sure you'd be able to tell where I picked up this story again too…I'm trying to hide it though, haha.

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Thanks to: Kara-san as my new beta. And of course, thanks to her for letting me beta her things now. I don't know what else to say…hmm…Kara-san is a nice sempai to have. –nods-

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**Chapter 1- Prelude: Life in Death's Hands**

In the sun, long sable tresses were shimmering in a tinge of midnight blue. Laughter filled the air as the fresh scent of supple grass enveloped the lax atmosphere. The raven-haired girl stood in resplendency, smirking at the humorous comments every now and then. She inclined her head in thanks as her redheaded companion handed her a sandwich. Suddenly, her arm froze; the sandwich dropped onto the grass with a light thud. An indescribable ache gripped her heart, while pain similar to sharp needles jabbed into her skull. She let out a ragged breath before she fainted, clutching her heart as she did so.

"Natsuki?!" Eyes widened in horror as people screamed her name in panic.

Three years later, a young lady with lengthy, chestnut-emblazoned locks sat on a plain plastic chair, waiting patiently for her love to wake up. Her hands expertly peeled a tangerine, whilst beautiful eyes of mahogany, akin to the color of diluted crimson glanced tentatively at her surroundings. Minimal light shone through in the midst of the dying afternoon as orange rays lit the face of the sleeping beauty, illuminating her ashen features with a soft glow. This made the patient stir occasionally in her slumber, causing healthy pink lips to tug into a bittersweet smile. Carefully, she placed the peeled tangerine onto a small plate next to bed and sighed, stinging the air in its deadly silence. Lips pursed, she waited.

Groggily, eyelids slowly fluttered opened, revealing green eyes akin to dulled emerald. Turning her head, she saw a face looking intently at her. Their gazes locked for a moment as the patient opened her mouth to speak but stopped. Willing her livid body to sit upright, it was done in immense pain. She winced as she emitted a diminutive cry of pain. Her friend immediately moved to help her but was stopped by a determined glare from the patient, telling her help was not needed.

Visage unchanging, Fujino Shizuru sat back down, placing lithe hands onto her lap and said softly, "…I peeled a tangerine earlier, Natsuki, won't you have some?" The younger girl merely shook her head; she had no appetite.

Ears of the brunette perked up as the younger girl finally spoke, "Why are you here? I thought I told you not to come anymore…," pain was evident in her tone of voice. Hands that were gracefully placed atop Shizuru's thighs, balled and tightened, yet she gave a soft smile.

"Ara, Natsuki, do you really hate me that much?"

Blood boiled in her veins; it was that smile. That smile that Shizuru gave her, never changing, never wavering in her love for her. Natsuki hated that smile.

Natsuki snapped, calm yet firm was her voice. "Get out."

Quietly and without a word, the brunette stood up, red eyes seemingly indifferent to those two words. Yet, internally her heart felt pierced by a thousand blades…all by the hands of whom she loved. Turning around, Shizuru strode towards the door, not a single sound was made as if Shizuru had never existed in the room.

"Kannin na, Natsuki…"

Emerald eyes downcast, Natsuki bit her lower lip, hands tightly grabbing her covers. Ears of the navy-haired girl perked up to the echoes of a creaking door. She couldn't help herself say those next four words.

"Sorry Shizuru…I'm tired."

With that, the brunette wordlessly took her leave, exiting the room with barely audible footfalls. Thus, the door was shut between the pair.

X-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-X

Footfalls, graceful, elegant, and placid fell one by one onto the tile floors. Head kept straight, facing what's in front of her, Shizuru only had one mission in her mind. People that passed by no longer mattered and became blurred images; she wanted…no needed to get back. It was her only place of retreat. Lips thinned as her heart quavered. She could not let her mask fall now. Shizuru swallowed, hoping it would suppress her feelings that were waiting to burst out.

"Fujino-san?" A doctor cloaked in white stopped with a file in her hand. Shizuru had heard yet refused to respond to the call. She blinked for a second, clearing her sights without stopping and continued her stride. Puzzled, the doctor's eyes gazed at the flash of red and soon to the back of the tawny haired lady as her silky tresses flowed like water against the nonexistent wind until she disappeared around the corner.

The doctor, whose gaze had been forced to leave the silky, caramel tresses of the Kyoto beauty, made her way towards her destination once again. Glasses fell slightly as she opened the file in her hands and peered at the unpleasant data that was presented to her. Seconds later, she stopped, turned, and opened the creaking door. Darkness that was washed away by the new light unveiled the face of Kuga Natsuki.

X-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-X

The brown haired girl felt her body shudder with every succeeding step she took. Heels that clacked onto the pavement were three folds slower than the beat of her heart. It hurt. Maple globes squinted as a jabbing pain continued to assault the back of her skull. She swallowed again, hands trembling towards the door of her vehicle.

"Natsuki…" Shizuru croaked. Not even able to pull the handle, she couldn't hold back any longer.

Falling to her knees, shaking hands were placed onto the walls of her car she let her intangible mask fall. She wept silently, not wanting anyone to hear. Tears streamed down her cheeks, dropping in thuds that could be only heard by her ears. She balled her fists, whispering,

"Natsuki…I love you."

Suddenly, her cell-phone rang.

X-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-X

The door was opened again. Green pools gave quick mentions to the doctor before returning to the plate of tangerines. Fragile fingers that used to be toned and healthy picked up the last piece of fruit and slowly lifted it to her dying lips. Lips parting to allow the delicacy peeled by her love to enter, she closed her eyes, her tongue slowly caressing the fruit. She suckled slowly, savoring every bit of taste and memory.

The doctor sadly watched her and sighed, making her way towards the overbed table.

"Kuga-san…You're a very cruel person."

The doctor gave a bitter smile and placed her file onto the overbed table. Hands placed the metal plate softly next to her bed. Green pools lingered to the tiled floors as Natsuki answered,

"A dying person has no right to love, don't you agree doctor?"

The doctor quickly snapped her head up.

"But—"

Fingers began to drum on the cover impatiently. The younger girl forced her body out of her bed; the small weight that lifted made a tiny squeak as she did so. She stretched her arms above her head, ignoring the past comment.

"Kuga-san! You're in no condition to be out of bed! As your doctor, I—"

Dulled emerald pierced the doctor's. The doctor felt her body shudder out of fear as chills were sent up her spine. The killing intent that was so intense came as quickly as it had gone. The dulled emerald now seemed to beg at the doctor.

Through the black rims of her glasses, the doctor saw the frail girl before her. Her gaze tore from those begging dulled emerald globes towards the visage of the girl itself. Skin that was akin to porcelain now seemingly drowned in sickness still reflected beautifully in the rays of the dying sun that entered the room through the blinds. The backlight lit the girl and gave her outline a soft orange ephemeral glow. Light, salmon-pink lips tugged into a small smile as the young girl tilted her head. Arms had now ceased their stretching. Her whole body faced the doctor fully.

"I know my body the best, doctor. Let me do what I want to do," Natsuki swiveled her heels and walked to the windows, clearing the blinds with one hand. More light entered as she spoke softly,

"I belong outside. Don't take the last of my few enjoyments away."

That usually harsh, ice cold voice in three years had turned into something completely different. It had become the voice of a wise woman. The doctor gave in.

"I understand," the doctor sighed once again.

"You are held accountable for nothing," Natsuki announced as she made her way towards the closet. The wooden white doors opened, revealing her helmet.

With that she was outside.

X-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-X

"_Kuga-san…You're a very cruel person." _

Her engine roared as hands revved the bike even more. Trees, cars, everything blurred together as the velocity increased. Rain had begun to pour, ever so slightly; droplets fell onto her skin akin to notes of music that played itself out little by little.

_I know…_

She sped around a sharp curve, a feat only possible because of her many years of experience. Natsuki was greeted by silence as she finally passed by all the vehicles. Her heart sank, discords played in her ears. The thumping of that muscle slowed as her mind flashed back to those painful words that she thought she would never hear again.

"_Ara, Natsuki, do you really hate me that much?"_

Revving her Ducati again, Natsuki increased her speed. Peering through her helmet, her eyes saw nothing but that moment being played continuously in front her. Then all of her memories greeted her in the same manner. Her teeth clenched as her memories skimmed through her happy moments and then presented her saddest events at a deafening speed that seemed to drag on endlessly.

_No…Shizuru, I would never. _

Suddenly, something was wrong. A hand left the handle of her vehicle and clutched her heart with a vice-like grip. Nails dug into the skin of her chest. Natsuki coughed, blood spilt onto her visors, covering her vision with a sea of red. The navy-haired girl felt her sight gradually covered in blackness. Sound around her became muffled. Natsuki blinked slowly…

_But you don't understand…I…I don't have anything to give to you anymore. Your smile…_

_All I wanted was to see you smile. But now…_

Her other hand that was left to control the vehicle shook violent. The blue Ducati wobbled at a high speed. Natsuki grunted with the last of her strength to keep it upright. Yet, as she did so, she knew her legs were giving away.

_But now…even if you smile, my heart feels nothing but pain. I can see clearly through your mask. _

She couldn't see anything anymore.

_Shizuru you are in pain. _

The person that she has always loved with all her heart appeared in her mind. Blood stained lips, now swollen from her constant struggle to stay awake parted. A chuckle was heard only by her ears in muffle, muted blots.

_In pain._

It was comical in a way. She remembered every detail of her Kyoto goddess. Silky chestnut strands were always perfectly in place, yet lithe porcelain fingers always seemed conscious and would tuck an invisible strand behind her ear. Then a smile…so sweet like honey would always be presented to her. Only Natsuki was it offered to. Lips so full and supple, tinted in a cherry-blossom pink would then part and enunciate her name, followed by a crimson gaze that twinkled in a teasing manner. Her mind drifted.

_Even if I have to be cruel, I will stop you from seeing me and me to you as well._

There were many things that Natsuki wanted to say to Shizuru now. Yet, she knew it would only give her love more pain. The vehicle finally lost of all its control. Speed only increasing, her Ducati crashed into the cold metal railings, and she felt her body rip off her Ducati like a ragdoll. She wanted to hear her own name being called again.

_I love you…Shizuru._

"Shizuru…"

Natsuki croaked. It was ironic though. In the midst of her depleting consciousness she noticed that this was the same alcove in which her mother died. So ironic it was.

No longer able to see, no longer able to hear, a young girl's body plunged into the deep abyss. A trifling splash was made, yet, nothing was heard. Like a tree that has fallen in a forest, if such a thing is not witnessed then it's as if the event had never occurred at all.

However, sometime later it was realized, and the waves continued to splash against the cliffs, forming white foam on the sharp rocks.

X-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-X

A silent humming that had long settled was suddenly shook awake and thrown aside by thunderous rings. Walls painted with black light whispered the echoing sounds to one another as every other object in the house laid still.

"Brrringgg…"

"Brrringgg…"

"Beep…"

It became an urgent request left unanswered...in the home of Fujino Shizuru.

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A/N: I know that was a bit abrupt because, like I said, I'm still rusty. However, I hoped you all enjoyed this. As for my other stories, I'm not sure when I'll update them, but I'm kind of busy. I just wanted to give this to you guys, so you'd know that I'm no where near dead.

Next time you see me, I'll be known as Imperii.


	2. Broken Heart Syndrome

Love's Identity

**Disclaimer:** Not much is mine except for the plot. Mai-HiME is not mine. Many things are not mine! I must start planning.

**A/N: ** Get ready for some major…well you know. Forgive my bad grammar as well...

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**Chapter 2: Broken Heart Syndrome**

"How is she?" A seasoned man of fifty stared sternly into the cubic room. Filled with white walls, white doors, and an observational window seen only from the outside, the cube was a solitary confinement. Two men stood, watching the figure that was inside the cube. One wore a white lab coat, and the other wore a grey plaid business suit.

"I'm afraid there has been no change, Sir." The doctor stared the patient's file, frowning slightly. The patient's condition has not changed for the last two years.

"Natsuki!"

Sudden commotion sprang from the interior of the white cube. Alarmed, the man in the business suit placed his hand onto the Plexiglas.

"Natsuki!" The figure inside the cube called out painfully. Her body was encased inside a straightjacket. Yet, the figure struggled. One could clearly see that the figure had no strength to do so; her frame was so thin and malnourished from self-starvation. It was a wonder that she did not die.

--- 2 Years Ago ---

"Natsuki!" Shizuru cried out, running towards the cart, which held Natsuki's lifeless body. She had been at a formal meeting before the event, only to return home with her voicemail bursting with calls from Mai. She shook the figure vigorously, as if to call back her love's soul.

Minagi Mikoto had to pull the girl back so that the doctors could continue their way to the morgue.

"Natsuki!"

Dropping down to her knees, Shizuru sobbed loudly, while Mai tried her best to comfort the former-Kaichou.

Mai knew that with Natsuki's disease, she would not last much longer in the world. However, she never knew that an accident would take her life quicker than the disease itself. She forced herself not to cry in the face of Shizuru.

Footsteps became louder as Tate ran back to Mai, stating that the others were coming as fast as they could. He tried to say more until he noticed Shizuru's downcast figure.

Later, the others arrived there and everyone was able to see Natsuki for one last time. Shizuru struggled up with what appeared to be the last of her strength to see her face once again as well. It was hard; it was painful. There was nothing worse than the sight of Natsuki's content, yet paled face, which was adorned with minor scratches from glass that broke from her helmet as she fell towards her death.

However, for someone, who was an orphan, she was blessed with lovely friends---some far greater than a mother or a father. Though blessed, she left her counterpart with a pain far greater than any curse.

The pain of having your most important person die at such a young age, was one that not everyone faces often--if not once in their lifetime. After cupping Natsuki's cold face in her hand for the final time, Shizuru felt her heart twist and shrink. She grasped her heart tightly, breathing constricted.

Taking one last glance at the fallen Natsuki, Shizuru fell towards the blackness.

And then, it was as if she had 'died' the death of a fallen HiME back at The Carnival. Her soul was gone; time had stopped. The only word she would utter was afterwards was "Natsuki."

--- 2 Years Later ---

The man's hand on the window balled into a tightened fist.

The figure now writhed and smashed herself against her confinements, which were luckily padded with protective foam after similar occurrences. The figure's voice continued to cry out painfully, as if her words would reach her beloved's soul.

"Shizuru....my daughter. How can a single person, no...a single woman cause you fall into such madness?!" The man whispered vilely against the glass, his hot breath catching the surface in small huffs.

"Natsuki...Natsuki...Natsuki..." Shizuru moaned, red orbs dulled from the lack of sleep. Tears dropped relentlessly down her face, as she dropped to her knees. Once healthy walnut-tresses turned into a livid yellow.

Daily, doctors had to go in and feed her through an IV drip and then go in again when night fell to administer sleep-inducing shots. This went on, as mentioned earlier, for two years straight.

He hammered his fist onto the window furiously, as if to let out his frustration.

"Fujino-sama, please cease your actions. I do not wish to see you get hurt." A distant voice whispered down the hallway.

Ceasing his actions, Fujino retorted, still gazing at her daughter's poor frame.

"I hope you have good news for me, Himeno-san."

Himeno Fumi smiled, stopping in her tracks. She bowed slightly towards the doctor, who bowed back in respects. In her hands held a file containing crucial information. She softly breathed and replied.

"Yes, Fujino-sama. I have finally located her."

A hint of alarm showed in his posture before swiftly residing back to its stoic nature. Fujino turned his body fully to face the Headmistress of Fuuka Gakuen.

"Himeno-san, I hope you know what this means to me. Find that girl at once. I don't care how much money it takes." Fujino Ichirou peered solemnly back into the observational window.

"Of course, Fujino-sama." Fumi bowed, her silver orbs glistened as her pink tresses covered part of her face.

Suddenly, there was a scream. Shizuru seemed to having a seizure inside her cell. Her body shook and the foam started to form at the corners of her mouth. Her feet kicked the ground as the doctor, who was standing silently by Fujino Ichirou's side the whole time, quickly unlocked the cell and went inside the room. He seemed prepared, rapidly pulling out a relaxant and injecting it into Shizuru's blanched skin. She calmed down in a matter of seconds; her facial expression contorting into that of a deep stupor.

"...T-the medicine is wearing off faster than before." The doctor said hesitantly, returning back to Fujino's side.

Furious, he grabbed the doctor by his collar.

"I don't fund this fucking hospital to see this!"

"Y-Yes, of course, Fujino-sama! I'll try...no, I will administer a new drug for Shizuru-ojou-sama tomorrow!"

Fujino Ichirou, continued to berate the doctor, who was getting smaller under his presence. Himeno Fumi, gave a quick bow, politely taking her leave. She casted one last glance at the drugged out figure, who now lied in the room with eyes which wandered aimlessly and arms which seemed to be catching imaginary butterflies.

_"Shizuru-sama...very soon your savior will be back,"_ Fumi reassured in a miniscule tone as she exited the hallway, back to where she came.

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A/N: Ah...okay I lied...I'm known as Harmonia Vita now. It has a nicer meaning anyways. As for writing...I've always been writing. I lost my beta though. I have friends who are willing to help me, but I need an **official beta**; one who likes my stories and wants to help me proofread them. I've also been checking the fandom lately; it's kind of scary at the rate it's growing, haha.

Also, did you know that there's an actual broken heart syndrome?

Phew, that was a bit heavy, even for me. Let's grieve together perhaps on MSN or LJ. I seriously need fangirls to talk to.


	3. Lost and Found

Love's Identity

**Disclaimer:** Mai-HiME isn't mine. Wow the pun in that...sadness.

Note: I'm rusty with the way they address each other, so correct me if I'm ever wrong.

**Beta**: Arigatou Phantomblaze for betaing this chapter!

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**Chapter 3: Lost and Found**

Two women sat next to each other in a very confined area. The metals walls were rounded and emblazoned in white. Sitting next to the window was a young woman with wine-red hair, short and jagged. Her orange-haired and slightly longer haired companion sat between her and the aisle way.

"Man, this is such a pain in the ass," Nao grumbled. She lazily yawned and cupped her chin with one hand, setting her elbow onto the armrest. Crossing her legs, she reclined her seat with her free hand. "Such a pain in the ass," she repeated, crossing her other leg over and tapped on her thigh repetitively.

"No profanity, Nao-chan!" Tokiha Mai hissed, motioning her companion to 'shush' with a finger on her lips. Seeing Nao scoff at her, Mai massaged her temples and then proceeded to grab a cooking magazine from the compartment in front of her. The younger ex-HiME resumed her multiple seating poses.

"Ah...this is hell, I know it." She changed her posture again, this time leaning forward and slapping her hands onto her thighs. "That's it, I'm getting off!" Nao stood up, dark pink strands dancing momentarily in the process.

"Wait, what do you mean you're 'getting off?!'" Mai stared at her wide-eyed, "The plane has already taken off!"

"See if I care. I'll just jack one of those parachutes and do the thing those heroes do in those hijack movies." Nao seemed awkwardly desperate. "Move, Tokiha!"

"Are you crazy?! There's no way I'm letting you do that!" Hearing whispers around her, Mai quickly added, "Stop causing a commotion!"

"You...being in my way is the commotion! God, you're such a nagging mom. Don't you have a life besides playing the motherly role?! Dammit, I'm not some replacement for your 'little Mikoto-chan,'" Nao retorted angrily, stomping once on the carpet to make her point clear.

"What did you say?! I may be a mother at times, but Mikoto is not my child! She can't be, okay! If she was then we wouldn't be able to---" Mai stopped dead in her tracks. She almost said something she shouldn't have.

"Just move out of the way, so I can jump off! Anything...ANYWHERE is better than here!" Nao decided not to wait any longer and tried to barge through. The commotion finally caused a flight attendant to appear far down the aisle. Alarmed, Mai tried to pull Nao back into her seat.

A stern attendant hastily walked up to her row, brows furrowing in discontent.

Lips curved distastefully; the attendant gave the pair an icy glare before politely adding, "Please, you are disturbing the other passengers. If you continue to cause such a commotion, I'm afraid we'll have to force you off the plane."

"Hell yes! By all means please do!" Nao answered in feigned thanks and grunted in frustration, as her arms busily battled the oncoming assaults from Mai's. The attendant's eyes narrowed to thin slits.

"Wait! She doesn't mean that!" Mai stammered, face reddening with embarrassment as she felt a million pair of eyes were upon them.

"The two of--" The attendant was cut off.

"Will all flight attendants please meet in their designated area. I repeat..." Luckily, they were saved by the announcement. The attendant gave one last glare to the pair before swiveling on her heels, stilettos clacking away from the pair. Taking the moment into her hands, Mai pushed Nao back down in her seat with all her might. She sighed after her success, leaning back into her seat and massaging her throbbing temples.

"You are as annoying as you are persistent, Tokiha." Nao huffed. However, she was still on the edge of her seat, still unwilling to settle down. Truly, it was not in Nao's personality to be so rash and rude. Even though they still weren't too close, Mai knew that Nao was more mature and composed than that.

Then, it came to her.

"...Could it be," the orange-head started, pausing to find her words, "that this is your first time on an airplane? ...Are you scared?" Nao visibly jumped in her seat. Her eyebrows contorted, while her lips shook into a failed attempt of calmness. Shrugging as casually as she could, Nao fired back.

"What-what are you saying? Haha, very funny. M-me? Scared of airplanes? K-keh! Heh-heh...ha."

"Don't worry, Nao-chan, we're almost inGermany." Mai placed a hand on Nao's shoulder sympathetically with reassurance. "It's going to be okay, we have barf bags, too...if you need any," she smirked.

"I hate you--urgh!" As if she was jinxed, Nao suddenly turned green, immediately grabbing a barf bag that was tucked inside the magazine compartment.

---

"Tha-that face...haha...m-made my day!" Mai was doubled over, still laughing. Nao glared at her companion and decided to walk ahead of her. Mai wiped a tear of laughter and called out. "But...I'm glad to see that you're okay." Mai finished with a warm smile. "We got off safely in the end, didn't we?"

Nao blushed in embarrassment, stopping in her tracks. She waited for Mai to catch up to her, who gave a quick nod in thanks. The redhead decided to drop the whole event and changed the subject to a more significant one.

"Ah...so what? We have to find her right...that one girl?" She took a picture out of her jacket pocket. "God, she looks like her. With a face like that, it's amazing God didn't strike her with lightning at least ten times." Nao completed in a sardonic tone.

"Saying God's name carelessly so many times...no one would know you're a nun." Mai massaged her temples for the umpteenth time that day, while ignoring the latter comment. "But yeah, you're right; we have to find her after we check into our hotel."

With that, Mai and Nao grabbed their luggage and went off to wait for a taxi. The two stood, passing off idle talks. After some minutes later, a taxi arrived. Mai motioned for Nao to put their luggage in the trunk, while she discussed with their driver as to where to go.

Lifting up one of the bigger suitcases, Nao complained; face giving off a red hue as she gritted her teeth. "What the heck is she bringing with her...weird shapes are jutting out of the thing...Hey, Tokiha you had better not bring your cooking supplies with you!" No answer came from the front end of the taxi, so Nao reluctantly continued her task. "Argh, frea-king hea--vy..."

She grunted some more as she placed the last piece of luggage into the trunk. As she slammed the hood shut, lime orbs narrowed by a fraction. Lithe fingers rubbed the surface of the metal as her mask cracked, showing a tiny portion of her downcast visage. Hiding her anxiety throughout the whole ride was harder than she thought it would be. Her heart ached...probably more so each time she gazed at the photo. Shuffling her feet towards the passenger's door, the redhead tucked some loose strands behind one ear, glancing up at the roof of the terminal. She swallowed hard, licking the roof of her mouth before she hesitantly tasted the words.

"Natalia Kruger...was it."

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**A/N: ** Semi rusty...or am I? Hopefully this toned things down a bit before some big things hit home. Heh, I shall await the revs. I'm currently researching about Germany, so if there are some knowledgeable people, please...please help me, haha.


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